♫ Lene's Eternal Happiness

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

And I think to myself... @ 11:49 PM

Listening to: What A Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong

Back to memories. I've always love songs like this. (: This song is really special and meaningful. I don't mind dying while listening to this song. It's beautiful in it's own way.

Talk about what a busy week I had. It feels like every gets packed up again even though I've already decided NOT to be busy this sem. I guess I can never avoid it.
Last Friday was the end of 4 days of our D'UN exhibition day. We stayed till late for cleaning up and post-mortem. Tiring day, first time did a freestyle street dancing with my juniors. It was a good memory. I'll post up the photos soon. (: I was super-hyper that night. I love how happy everyone was and I enjoyed making them laugh. Just the look of people smiling makes my heart filled with happiness. I don't want them to feel stressed up with the duty they had and just enjoy it, like how I did. Everyone was awesome. It was a great experience.
After the post-mortem, went back to hall and continue to help on the back-drop for another event for next day. Crazy, though I was tired, kept on pushing myself to my most limit. Glad we managed to settle the back-drop. Stayed there till 5 AM, went to sleep and then woke up at 8 AM, preparing to go for jungle trekking for Ko-K. It was crazy. Two hours of sleeping, imagine me climbing the hill, I really felt like fainting down. It felt like I've reached my limit and about to pass out. Amazingly, I didn't. D: I surprise myself for having such strength even after such an exhausting day the night before. Crazy. And then, basketball match in the evening. At night, I totally passed out and have a dreamy sleep.
Too bad. I skipped the next day class. I gave up. Too weak to even wake up.

So, my burden are lessen. But I still have tasks. Teaching dance to more than 16 people. IS NOT EASY. Especially when it involves couple dance and all of them are still feeling shy with each other. And then, 4 different dances. I hope this plan works out. Start to study for my mid-term. I hope everything goes fine for this sem. I need to get my pointer up again or I'll have my grades drop to the waste.
Never give up and I'll have to always think to myself...
What a wonderful world. (:

Still wonderful with this guy...
Always in my heart.
Park Yoochun♥

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Reasons are excuses @ 8:52 PM

Listening: It Will Rain by Bruno Mars

"'Cus there'll be no sunlight, if I lose you baby,
there'll be no clear sky, if I lose you baby."

I love this song. The melody of the chorus part is beautiful.

I'm in an emo state right. Nothing much to update. I'll skip today's nostalgic moments. Need to study and... haiz. Play along with my mind and heart. Confused and complicating.
But, this quote by Elena Gilbert from Vampire Diaries really suits me at this moment.
So, I'll just end this post with the quote.

"Dear diary,
today I convinced myself it was okay to give up.
Don't take risks.
Stick with the status quo. No drama.
Now is just not the time.
But my reasons aren't reasons. They're excuses.
All I'm doing is hiding from the truth.
And the truth is that... I'm scared.
I'm scared that if I let myself be happy for even one moment that...
...the world's just going to come crashing down.
And... I don't know if I can survive that."
-Elena Gilbert

P.S. Sarang hae

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Can't you see the music? @ 11:07 AM

Listening to: Cry Cry by T-ara

Baby can't you see the look in my eyes.
I'm so in love with the dance.
Finally finished watching the continuation of this MV. (: So cool. I love Jiyeon's acting. Very touching. :D I'm starting to love T-ara even more!

So... Skipped 5 posts. =X Haiz. Blame the STAGUN. The paper totally killed my mood. I'm just hoping I could pass it. The first paper that made me disappointed so much that I regret it until now. Forget it~ trying to forget about it.
So now... three papers left. I'll be fighting for these three till the end. Such crazy essay papers. @_@ My roommate left me as soon after the third paper. I thought she was just thinking about going home, I didn't know that she would actually dumped me when I was sleeping. Leaving a love note to me.

Roommate. Can't blame you though. All this time I'm always busy and are always out from the room, I think she felt bored too. I'll never be angry with this girl. XD Even if I would, I'll end up forgiving her anyway.

Trying to finish up my food storage. D: Need to start keeping all my stuffs. Too many things. LOL My room is getting messier as time passes by. Oh, screw it. I'm always busy and lazy. XD
Haiz. I hate the fact during examinations, I will end up having to face this lovey-dovey thoughts. And my mind keeps making it complicated by questioning every actions I did. Am I wrong? Should I just come out with a decision? Why is it so hard? Why do I have to think so much? There are times I felt so selfish. It's like... I want it, but I avoided my feelings. Why? I don't know. There's so much things I'm considering. My future life. My dreams. The future planning I'm making right now to get out from this future-career situation. I don't want to be standing at this same place. I want to chase my dreams. So, so badly. But how can I relate it with my love life? Well... the future can be a scary thing. I don't want to hope or expect anything.
But, I have to admit. I'm madly in love right now.

-Nostalgic moment-
EON MEMORI AIDILFITRI 2011

So this is obviously a Hari Raya celebration event.
Well, it's actually just a normal dinner.
Got asked by my roommate to join as Protocol.
Not so formal, we just have to guide the the VIPs and serve them.
The last photo is actually with our College Principal.
Yes. Our principal. Still young. XD And funny.
Lastly, we could only eat after the event.
Thanks to TOI and SAW, for saving the food for us. =D
It was a tiring and yummy night.

I think I need to get my eyes closed for a while. Or maybe more.
Slept around 5 and woke up at 6.30 am to watch sunrise. Too bad, it's a cloudy day.
It's nearly noon, but... screw it. My sleeping pattern is a mess right now. I'll re-arrange it when I'm back at home.

Jaejoong just uploaded this today.
LOL naughty Yoochun. Look at his face.
^-^ Adorable guys.
Totally made my day.

P.S Sarang hae.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

STAAGOON @ 10:32 PM

Listening to: I Hope You Find It by Miley Cyrus

Hurm. Kinda' miss Miley these days. No more Hannah Montana. =/ I wished to see her acting again. Or at least a new song. She must be busy.

Anyway. Ergh. Skipped one day post? Ooops. Blame the exams. :P Man, I'm hating this paper that's coming up next. STAGUN. An acronym by fellow students for Statistik Gunaan which is Applied Statistics. -.- Oh-I-so-not-good in using my right brain.

-Nostalgic moment-
N-JOY DAYS

This event is meant for our juniors.
Main point is to encourage interaction of senior-junior.
First photo is the artwork of the groups formed by juniors and seniors.
No one wants to be an informal MC, and I got dragged. D:
I embarrassed myself again in front of the juniors. -.-
I can't even make proper jokes. Haiz.
But thanks to our seniors that helped to lift up the atmosphere.
The best thing of this event is my bureau.
Food & Beverages. The best bureau with the best leader. (:
I'll never forget how nice he is to us, our Rabbit TK. hee.
The last photo is a photo of every bureaus artworks.
Well, the pink one is ours. Made by me & Kang Ting. :D

Anyway, after the event is over, Convocation Carnival was on.
I ride ATV for the first time.
It's really exciting and cool.
I thought I was addicted in riding the ATV.
I was riding so fast, the guy asked me to slow down. :P
Too excited.
And I tried out Zorb too.
Two people inside, I got in with Huey Yong.
She cried. XD Which is very cute.

So that's all. I need to continue the craziness of my STAGUN.
Wish me best of luck.

This is what JYJ looks like when thinking of their future.
:P Adorable. *pinch all of them*
Yoochun♥

Monday, January 2, 2012

I'm Me. @ 11:36 PM

Listening to: You by B2ST

End of one paper. 5 more to go. T_T I have to hwaiting~

Anyway, I'm suddenly in love with this song after reading the translation. Really cute. Haha.
I'll be updating little by little about what had happened last year. Me and dancing have been getting serious lately. ^^ I guess I'm loving it more and more. Hurm. This sem... I've danced for two events, despite having too much work and responsibilities, I still stubbornly wanting to dance. :D It's like an addiction. I can never say no! That's why when one of my friends said, "You're so busy, why do you still want to dance?! You don't need to dance lah.." My answer? XD "What?? Dance is not a problem at this moment. I'd rather choose dancing and let go all my responsibilities. In simple words, I'd rather perform 100 times than having another position in those events." Hard-headed as usual huh? That's me. Haha. Nah... I just want to have at least one thing that I enjoyed doing for every semester in this university. The course I'm taking now is already ruining my whole enjoyment, (the fact that I still DO NOT like it) add up with some loneliness I'm facing sometimes. I get lonely so easy here... D: I must really missed home.

-Nostalgia moment-

So this was during "Hari Malaysia".

Beginning of sem 3. On September 16.
The first task I received with these two girls,
Kher Shin & Evelyn.
Three of us were given the task to train the new juniors...
Cheerleading! D: (I was like "What???")
But it ended up more like a big cheer,
since there's SO many of them!
Around... 50? Maybe.

That's not all of them, yet, I think. O_O;
But, they were awesome and cooperative. :D
I wasn't good in interacting and was even worrying about having to
talk to juniors before the 3rd sem starts.
And yet, suddenly they gave me this task. =O
I successfully embarrass myself a bit, haiz.
But they are nice girls.
Too bad the full version of our cheer couldn't
be shown 'cus of technical problem. -.-
The event's problem.

Anyway, that's all for tonight. Have to finish up my last minute assignment that's still hanging and starts studying STAGUN. D: I totally loath this subject.

aigoo... oppa getting old now.
oppa, when are we getting married? ^-^

Sunday, January 1, 2012

2012 @ 11:39 PM

Listening to: 너 때문인걸(Because of You) by B2ST

Happy New Year! :D
So, it's 2012.
And I'm starting to blog again.
Finally.

A LOT of things happened last year which I haven't been updating 'till now. In sem 3 now, currently having finals and I'm wishing this sem to end quickly. In simple words, I shall conclude that this sem is the most exhausting for my mental health than my physical health. (Though there are times when I fall sick badly) But that could not compared to my emotional breakdown due to so many dramas by the people here. They made me realised how much I missed my home over and over again. There are moments when I nearly gave up about what people think, but I know I can't and I chose to wipe those tears and tried harder. It paid off... a bit I guess. At least the ending is not as bad as I assumed it would be. Humans are hard to handle. Especially as they gotten older, selfish and thinks about themselves and their problems more than others. I can't believe I can still see some betrayals here like those times in high school. Humans are scary. However, they also make me confused with their ever-changing personalities. I can never hate or dislike anyone here. Why? Because every time I do, I'll end up owing them a favour. @___@ They make me have second thoughts every time I have this negative image every time I see the bad side of them. I guess this could actually come to a conclusion that no one is perfect. The only way I could do is to try to solve it and not choosing sides. At this age, I guess anyone has their own problems to deal with and their reasons for their wrong doings. I myself is not a perfect person, so it's better for me to concentrate more on fixing myself instead of judging people. I want to stay as the person I am since last time. No hatred. No sides. Empathy is a necessity.

Another side of the story.
Love life is blooming.
But I'm still stuck with fear and the past.
When will I ever get over it?
I don't know.
This. I don't know how to deal it.
I just don't.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Pessimistic Conquering Mind @ 1:20 AM

Listening to: F***ing Perfect by Pink

The music video is inspiring. It shows mostly about self-esteem and to make you realised when you're different, you have to accept it in a good way no matter what 'cus one day, someone will realised it too.

And let me warn about this post. It's gonna be filled with pessimistic thoughts and feelings which I chose to let it out here so that I could take it off from my chest instead of keeping it inside and might affect me mentally.

First of all. I know. I'm a Chinese but I can't speak the mother-tongue language, fine it's abnormal for most Chinese people. Some would call me the "banana" or "English-educated". The banana part, I'll accept it as a joke, and the English part, it's not that accurate, 'cus I don't speak English at home. But I might just be wasting my time explaining what Kelantanese-Chinese speaks because we're from the minority ethnic in Malaysia. So, I accept the staring when I said, "I can't speak Mandarin." I accept that glaring, that whispering, that "what-kind-of-Chinese-she-is" look. And mind pls, I've been hearing the SAME sentence since I was in primary, I'm nearly sick with it, and those sentences are going to be the Chinese sentences that will remained in my mind permanently 'till I die.

- "She can't speak Chinese"
- "She don't understand"
- "Why can't she speak Chinese? "
- "How come she don't look like Chinese?"

2nd. I know I don't look like Chinese. I obviously know that since I was small, believe me, childhood experience affects your whole entire life. Yes. Dark skin. Non-straight hair. I know the dark skin seems like the most reasonable thing for you all to say I'm not like Chinese. Fine. So I accept that staring and glaring when you just find out that I'm actually the same race with you.

3rd. When the first two existed, fear grew inside of me. I'm too afraid to socialise, I always wonder what people think, or expect the same answers and questions from people. And I seems like a burden, no matter how many times they explain that I'm not a burden to them, but I still know that I am. Obviously, what do you feel if people is busy chatting with their friends and one of them would always remind them that I'm there and said, "Eh.. you go talk to her.. she's so quiet." And the answer, "My English is not good... you lah.." And the conversation goes on and on and I felt like saying, "I do understand what you both are talking about. So, don't worry." I really don't like the feeling. Though no matter how hard I try to fit in their conversation, sometimes I get annoying response that I'm sick of hearing, "Eh? You understand what we're talking about?" This response is one of the reason that stopped me from joining the conversation in the end. Even if I understand, I chose to said I don't.

4th. Judgment. Obviously from my looks, to those who love to "judge a book by its cover" would reject an impression towards me already. Though it's kind of obvious how they treated me differently compared to my friends, and well... I don't have the right to comment about this. Obviously most Chinese guys would look at girls with fair skin first. MOST, I said. Why I said this, is because it did happened. To me. I can't say anything about that 'cus God made me who I am. And I never hated about how I look like, 'cus I love how I resemble my father a lot. But please, DO NOT insult my looks, because it's like insulting my parents.

Because of all this I less talk. I stayed by myself. In addition of that, I have no confidence to even like the guy I had a crush on. Because I know how different I am. And I know, to some people, it matters. When a person is different, they will forever be different in the eyes of other people.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Hectic @ 2:35 AM

Listening to: "My World" by Avril Lavigne

When I watch Gossip Girl, I envy the way the white people strive for perfection. Even the things that I think is really hard to cope or situations that are hard to handle, they seems to handle it quite fine and easy. Even at the young age, they are a million times matured than me. I wished I could be as good as them in that. But seriously, is not easy. Obviously no one said it's gonna be easy, but I think I'm turning myself into a Superman this week. I never thought I could do all these things in a week, or even used up my whole 24 hours by doing tons of different things. I'll show through this post how hectic my schedule is.

SUNDAY
8:00 AM - Class.
12:30 PM till 5:00 PM - Class. (1 hour break)
5:30 PM - Basketball match - canceled but have to train a bit and watch other match.
9:00 PM - Planning/doing/preparing the name tags for 2nd floor
11:00 PM - Spring Wonderland meeting.

MONDAY
2:00 PM till 5:00 PM - Class.
5:30 PM - Meeting and went to Tapak Expo to put the rubbish bags.
10:00 PM - Perarakan SUUKOM Meeting
11:00 PM - Block Meeting
(believe me... the meeting lasted longer than I thought.
Then, continue doing assignments and finishes the name tags.
Not sure whether I'm gonna sleep.)

TUESDAY
7:00 AM - Basketball training.
(after training, continue assignments.)
3:00 PM - Cheerleading practice.
6:00 PM till 12:00 AM - Starts duty which is cleaning the rubbish and keeping it clean for Exhibition Day.

WEDNESDAY
8:00 AM - Class.
12:30 PM till 5:00 PM - Class. (1 hour break)
8:00 PM - Perarakan/Cheerleading SUUKOM.
(not sure till what time.)

THURSDAY
12:30 PM till 5:00 PM - Class.
6:00 PM - Basketball match.
(supposed to be on duty today too,
might go for duty after the match and YES, the duty is also until 12:00 AM)

FRIDAY
7 AM till 12 AM - Seminar Formula One
(Might skip the last session of the seminar because joining to help
the last day of the exhibition day. Will be till overnight.)

I wonder how am I after all these ends? The craziest day is on Tuesday because all of the things I'm going to do since morning till night uses energy. Hopefully I won't faint from exhaustion.