Listening to: Airplanes by B.O.B. feat. Hayley Williams
Can I really pretend the airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? 'Cus I really need a wish right now.
Dad's supportive words before I started my uni life was, "From now on, you have to learn to be responsible." It's true, that this sentence was the one that kept me standing until now. To me, life is starting to get tough, never easy and I certainly do not trust my teacher's word about "Life in university is so much easier." Now, that's a lie. The place wasn't the real problem in the first place. It was the sudden responsibilities thrown to you and troubles you faced because of these responsibilities were the main problems since the beginning.
I just finished crying and I've been crying really hard today. My eyes are fully swollen now, I wished it would disappear in the morning. My cries today were real, it's like I haven't cried out loud like that for quite a while. It's like releasing that heavy burden in my heart, thinking back all the bad things happening to me since I started this life and even before that. A few weeks ago, my beliefs on luck has gone into the drain. One by one bad things happened that I could conclude them all as "terrible" things already. Well, luckily my roommate "dumped" me again this week, so that she wouldn't see this whiny-attitude of mine. Can't blame her though, if my house is nearby, I would go back every week too. I miss home. I really do. I don't hate this place. It's just this place "hates" me. It kept bringing me all the unluckiness. Living here is not a problem, never was. But seeing all these things that are happening to me, do you think I even have the feeling to stay here longer? Yesterday, I felt extremely sad and angry to the extend that my mouth becomes dry, my head was beginning to ache and I even felt like vomiting. That proves how stress I am. And yet, I kept telling myself that everything's gonna be alright, repeating it again and again and again. And when I do believed in it, another disaster comes in. I seriously do not understand why do all these had to come altogether at one moment and attacked me. What's the point of all these? I'm really getting tired of all these. I'm surprised that I could still laugh and try to pretend that nothing has gone wrong in front of my friends. Can't believe I'm that strong.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Give Me a Break @ 12:31 AM
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Still living. @ 4:44 AM
Listening to: Life by SHINee
Well.. SM still come out with great ballad songs. *sigh* Reminds me of TVXQ's songs. I really miss listening to their great combination of voices. Don't get me wrong, JYJ sounds great, but no matter what there's something missing and I know deep in every Cassiopeians' hearts, they believed that too. However, it never stop us from supporting those guys, one day, they'll be reunited, I just... had faith in that.
So... I'm still awake. And it's 5 am. Yeap. I mean, it's normal for me to be like this, since I'm used to it when I'm at home. Wait, does that mean it's a sign that I'm getting used in living here. Well, living here wasn't actually a problem to me in the first place, just that my lacking in social ability is the major problem. Well, blame me for being different huh? Nah, I never questioned my uniqueness anymore, just that humans are all the same. The same questions, the same perceptions, the same judgment. Meeting new people, I still get the same reaction no matter where I go. Anyway, I shouldn't complain much huh? My straight forwardness are turning even worst, or should I call it "better"? I just... can't lie when it comes in expressing my feelings. Well, obviously there are some moments when I lie about it, for the sake of someone/something, but as Dr Cal Lightman says, "A lie is still a lie." Can't deny that fact. But which human doesn't lie anyway? Even Loker lied. XD Oh, I'm starting to love him and his basic life of living in honesty. Sometimes I felt he and I are quite a like.
Last Saturday, performed at the big stage for the first time, with around 1000 people I supposed? I felt so... relieved and satisfied. I want to continue doing this... not as something fun, but... more than that. Well, I felt it long time ago, I've been keeping it for so long and when people ask me, "Did you dance like this before?" and when I said, "No." they were surprised. Well, believe me, I actually waited for this moment to come, but I never though it would felt like... this good. Training by myself in my room, for this few years, having my foot hurt several times, I guess it paid off huh? But there's a long way to go, if I really want this.. I'm doing it. For the moment now, I'm practising "Mystery" by B2ST, something tells me it's difficult but my other self tells me that I had always been the stubborn, unless I can do it properly, I'll never stop. I think learning the dance steps is always about pushing myself more and more, it's just that determination in me that really got into me. I don't know. Blame the passion for music.
Currently these guys are the ones who's lifting up my spirit in doing things these days. Believe me, I do still love TVXQ, but it's not easy now to support them in different ways. I still do. That's why I need to watch his new drama. (: Everyone is actually praising Micky for his acting skills which I actually knew it from the first time I saw him acting. Funny though, a few years back I already believed that he's gonna be popular if he goes for acting and I could even see his passion in acting, and now... well, let's just say, my expectations was true.
Before that I can't deny the fact that
I'm starting to fall for this guy too.
It was love at first meeting.
I miss you, you know that right?
I still have dreams of you at night.
I still want to meet you oppa.
I need to meet you.
P.S. 사랑해
Well.. SM still come out with great ballad songs. *sigh* Reminds me of TVXQ's songs. I really miss listening to their great combination of voices. Don't get me wrong, JYJ sounds great, but no matter what there's something missing and I know deep in every Cassiopeians' hearts, they believed that too. However, it never stop us from supporting those guys, one day, they'll be reunited, I just... had faith in that.
So... I'm still awake. And it's 5 am. Yeap. I mean, it's normal for me to be like this, since I'm used to it when I'm at home. Wait, does that mean it's a sign that I'm getting used in living here. Well, living here wasn't actually a problem to me in the first place, just that my lacking in social ability is the major problem. Well, blame me for being different huh? Nah, I never questioned my uniqueness anymore, just that humans are all the same. The same questions, the same perceptions, the same judgment. Meeting new people, I still get the same reaction no matter where I go. Anyway, I shouldn't complain much huh? My straight forwardness are turning even worst, or should I call it "better"? I just... can't lie when it comes in expressing my feelings. Well, obviously there are some moments when I lie about it, for the sake of someone/something, but as Dr Cal Lightman says, "A lie is still a lie." Can't deny that fact. But which human doesn't lie anyway? Even Loker lied. XD Oh, I'm starting to love him and his basic life of living in honesty. Sometimes I felt he and I are quite a like.
Last Saturday, performed at the big stage for the first time, with around 1000 people I supposed? I felt so... relieved and satisfied. I want to continue doing this... not as something fun, but... more than that. Well, I felt it long time ago, I've been keeping it for so long and when people ask me, "Did you dance like this before?" and when I said, "No." they were surprised. Well, believe me, I actually waited for this moment to come, but I never though it would felt like... this good. Training by myself in my room, for this few years, having my foot hurt several times, I guess it paid off huh? But there's a long way to go, if I really want this.. I'm doing it. For the moment now, I'm practising "Mystery" by B2ST, something tells me it's difficult but my other self tells me that I had always been the stubborn, unless I can do it properly, I'll never stop. I think learning the dance steps is always about pushing myself more and more, it's just that determination in me that really got into me. I don't know. Blame the passion for music.
Currently these guys are the ones who's lifting up my spirit in doing things these days. Believe me, I do still love TVXQ, but it's not easy now to support them in different ways. I still do. That's why I need to watch his new drama. (: Everyone is actually praising Micky for his acting skills which I actually knew it from the first time I saw him acting. Funny though, a few years back I already believed that he's gonna be popular if he goes for acting and I could even see his passion in acting, and now... well, let's just say, my expectations was true.
Before that I can't deny the fact thatI'm starting to fall for this guy too.
It was love at first meeting.
I miss you, you know that right? I still have dreams of you at night.
I still want to meet you oppa.
I need to meet you.
P.S. 사랑해